Talking to people, and getting to know them is pretty simple for me. However, for the longest time I had a hard time with building deep intimate friendships.
I lost many friendships the first 2-3 years in college. One of the reason I lost those people was because I didn’t know myself. I didn’t know my heart and all the hurt and pain i carried around with me. By the time the Lord opened my eyes, most of those friendships had fallen apart.
But God so rich in mercy, grace, and a whole lot of conviction. Showed me my heart and how I was hurting people who came into my life. From walking through my own hurts and pains, the following is a few things I have learned about friendships.
1. Friends come in your life in three ways, for a REASON, a SEASON, and for a LIFETIME. Friends for a reason and season are usually in your life to teach, remind, and push you closer to the Lord. It’s hard when people walk out of our lives, its important however to remember the lessons we learned from them and keep moving forward.
2. A VERY high percentage of us millennials (yes I just said Millennials) are still trying to learn what Love is when it comes to being a friend to someone. Be quick to learn, slow to get angry, and slow to speak when things don’t go your way. Listen and seek to understand first. A healthy friendship is so sweet, but it takes time and knowing your identity to get there.
3. Loving another person is hard. Being in a friendship relationship or any other relationship is hard. It’s hard because you are learning to love someone and be selfless towards them. But when two different people decided to love each other equally but different, you end up having the best friendship ever. If you see potential and willingness to grow in your friend. Don’t walk away, fight for them!
4. Don’t expect too much from the other person. Expectations that are not communicated in a heathy respectful ways, are the quickest way to end a friendship. If your friend is there for you and continues to encourage you then that is enough. If you want your friendship to grow and reach a different level, then communicate that with them, but don’t expect them to automatically change. Give time and patiences.
5. If a friend walks out of your life, let them go. You can’t make someone stay in your life in a meaningful and loving way. If you need understanding and closure then reach out and meet for coffee. However, some friendships are worth fighting for, and some are not. when a friend walks out of your life discern whether they are worth fighting for or not.
6. A truth friend is someone who learns about your weaknesses and still loves you. A true friend is someone who helps you get your heart all healed and then watches you grow, change, and live a healthy life. That friend is your forever friend, a ride or die babe, and a Jonathan and David (in the Bible) type of relationship. Be in friendships that fights for your transformation and growth.
7. Don’t settle in friendships. If you are in a friendship with someone who treats you bad, who does not want to change and see their wrong-doing, then respectfully exit. Unless you know your identity, and you are able to love that person to life. Don’t be in a friendship that is mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually unhealthy for you.
8. Have fun!!! Have fun with your 1 friend, 2 friends, or 3 friends. Take road trips, go to fancy dinners, go dancing, go shopping, and more importantly appreciate each other. Good, committed, investing, loving, caring, friends are hard to find. Cherish the ones you have.
One of my favorite verses in the bible about friendships is Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 which says “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” These verses speak so much about how friendships should be like.
—-Beloved if you don’t have that one friend who will go through the fire with you, I encourage to you to ask the Lord for wonderful loving friends in your life.
—-Check your heart. Ask yourself what is stopping you from having deep friendships with people.
—-Approach/pursue people that you would want to be friends with and invite them out to coffee ( Trust me it’s not as scary as it seems)
I pray that you are blessed with deep, intimate, loving, wonderful friendships with people.
With peace and joy, -Winnie