To the girl who got left behind without explanation, to the girl who got left behind without a thought, to the girl who got left behind without being warned. You are not alone!!
Between high school and college I lost a handful of friends that I considered to be close friends. Some left because (1) I was closed off (2) I was mean or rude or (3) they were going through things in their own lives and they didn’t have room for other people’s issues.
The friendships I had lost throughout the years somehow shaped me a whole lot. The last few years I have struggled with the friendships-relationships I had lost. I low key felt like it was my fault and that I was the reason that the friendships didn’t last. But I am slowly learning that in order for a friendship relationship to go wrong it takes two. I personally believe that if you love someone you will call them out and love them well. I have thought about each friendship, and each person and I have realized that it takes two people to make any form of relationship work. There has to be commitment, willingness to change/grow in the friendship.
Don’t get me wrong, if you are in a friendship-relationship where you are being harmed emotionally, physically, and/or mentally and there is no willingness to change, grow, and learn from the mistakes from them then that is a different story. By all means inform the person and respectfully take the time and space you need to be heathy and pursue relationship-friendships that are edifying.
So if you are like me and you have struggled to let go of old friends who moved on, then here is a few things to do:
- Talk to the Lord. Yes, I know you have probably done this already. But, do it again, but this time be honest. Tell the Lord how you feel, how the relationship hurt you and how you want to be healed from the relationship.
- Reach out to your friend. If you are in this stage where you are recognizing your hand in the relationship then you are able to talk to the friend, apologize, forgive, and maybe build a new friendship. If you cannot get closure and move forward knowing you have done all that you can.
- It’s okay to say goodbye to friendships that did not work in the past. So really figure out your feelings, let it out, and move forward. Start pursuing other friendships, grow, and mostly important don’t forget to open up your heart to new friendships and loving those friends well. Learn from your past friendships and do things different.
- Lastly, know that just because you don’t have as many close friendships now doesn’t mean that it will stay like that. Ecclesiastes talks about how there is a time for everything. Let this be a time of healing, learning to love, and knowing yourself well.
My best friend once said “I don’t allow my friends to live in bondage.” That really spoke to me and just made me have standards for myself. The standards included how I will love my friends and how I will do my best to call them out, but that I will also love them to life and freedom. For your next friendship-relationship, learn to fight, up-lift, encourage, and support your friend well.