Me and my sweet husband’s relationship has been pretty wonderful, whimsical, and very silly for the past few months and I have loved every bit of it. While in my happy little life, I forgot that disappointments and shortcomings exist. My little fairy-tale came crushing down this past week when Nathan and I got in a disagreement. I became disappointed, frustrated, and mad: I felt like my world was falling apart and all the sad feelings you can think of came crashing in.
Throughout my disappointment, I came to the conclusion that there can be this lie running around in people’s hearts that our husbands, boyfriends, parents, sibling or anyone we are close to can never disappoint us.
If you are in a similar situation like me, let me remind you that when you enter into any relationship you are trusting your heart, thoughts, and feelings to a person who is flawed just like you. Know that they are going to make mistakes, have shortcomings, and disappoint you daily most of the time… assuming you are doing life with them daily.
After being in my feelings, soaking in all the lies, and slowly starting to believe that this was a make it or break it situation I realized that I didn’t have to focus on the disappointment I was feeling towards my spouse.
Maybe it is my optimist brain, but I started thinking about all the good things sweet Nathan does very well. The thought “ if we took more time to focus on what our friends and family do right, we wouldn’t be in such a painful state when they do things wrong” crossed my mind. This statement hit me like a sack of rocks. It is true that when things go bad, we focus so much on what the person did wrong that we completely forget that for the past two, three weeks or months they have been doing so well.
Looking through the hurt, and forgiving the person can be hard. However, it is important to walk through the disappointment. If you have been struggling with overcoming disappointment, the following are a few sample tips/steps that can help you.
1. Calm yourself or distract yourself by doing something else. Write your frustrations down or simply walk away from the situation. This one is still a hard one to do, however, when I do I immediately see the difference in the situation.
2. Acknowledge your feelings. When you are hurt in a relationship, try your best not to ignore your feelings. From my experience with different people, many of them suppress their feelings. Suppressing your hurt does not help you or the person who did it. Learn to start taking that step in expressing your hurt and walking through it because that opens the door for healing to come.
3. Do a reality check.. Is it really that bad? There are serious hurts that takes a while to heal from, and then there are hurts that are simple and easy to forgive and move forward. Learn to ask yourself if it is really that bad, step out of your feelings and evaluate the situation. Be wise in your situations by not holding onto petty situations. Instead be quick to talk about it and forgive. Before you respond in any negative way that you feel towards that person, talk or yell or complain to the Lord about it because He can take it.
4. Develop positive thinking patterns. When many people read this, they think “ ignore my feelings, have pretend happy thoughts.” That is not what I am saying. Its okay to feel your hurt, but at some point you need to start moving towards healing. Remind yourself that simply because you are hurt, its not the end of the world. Remember that things will be okay even though it might take time. Lastly keep talking to the Lord about your hurts because HE GENUINELY CARES, take care of yourself, treat yourself, and talk to your friends as they are your support system.
5. Learn from your experience. Challenges in relationships are to grow and change a person. It is not a punishment when you are going through something, instead it is a process for the next season you are about to enter into. God is not the reason you are going through hard times and God is not to blame. Our flesh and spiritual forces of evil have plenty of reason to initiate such trials.
Overcoming disappointments is a hard thing to do. However, disappointments remind us that our parents, siblings, friends, and spouses are not perfect. They are equally as flawed as we are, they need constant forgiveness, grace, and mercy. It is still your calling to love them and give grace to them because you have received grace and love from your Father in heaven.
You can only give what you have received, if you find yourself to be unforgiving then there is a deeper issue in your heart than there might be in the person you have un-forgiveness towards. Disappointments also reminds us to turn to the Lord for direction, guidance, and to learn to love the people in our lives unconditionally, whether they deserve it or not.
I hope this post encourages you and draws you closer to the Lord. disappointment is sometimes the beginning of something better than you had before.
with freedom and grace, -Winnie