It’s no surprise that I am writing this post. For the longest time I have felt that there is not enough resources out there to help men to better approach women especially when it comes to dating. There are many conferences and books geared towards women being better in this and that in romantic relatioships. Yet, there aren’t many resources to assist men in how to better communicate their feelings or even understand that DM’s and asking for a girl’s Snapchat is not the way to ask a woman on a date.
This post is a call for Christian men and just men in general to start taking steps towards being better at pursuing women. It’s a call for men to start working on becoming emotionally mature, communication, past hurts, receive healing from childhood traumas, and strive to become healthy for themselves and the women they will end up dating as well as the woman they end up marrying.
The following are 8 tips to help men in their journey in dating:
Be Confident and Know Yourself.
There is something beautiful and bold when a man knows themselves and what they want. It is important that when you start dating or are in the process of dating that you have worked out your past hurts and emotions, you know how to handle hard conversations, and are able to communicate your emotions and feelings clearly.
Most women have taken time to work on their hearts and minds. It is important that you also take the time to do the same thing. It is not a woman’s job to help heal you or guide you to a healthier mindset.
In your journey of dating, it is not to find someone to fulfill you or make you feel better. The person is to join you in your life as you join in on theirs.
Ladies dont like a man who is not honest about who they are. Be you from the start, dont try to be someone you’re not. Being real and yourself is enough. Always give the same amount of effort you want in return, don’t expect more from a girl than you’re giving. Take a step towards learning to open up, sharing your story, sharing your likes/dislikes, and allowing someone to know the real you. No one likes a fake.
Don’t Play Games With Women.
If you like a girl, tell her how you feel and then pursue her! Don’t flirt or text and then never pursue anything with her. That causes deep hurts for man women and it is not honorable. Refrain from acting like you’re interested in a woman one day and then the next day not responding. It is hurtful and makes women question their value, worth and identity. This behavior also communicates to women that men cannot be trusted to be honest about their intentions. Strive to be an honorable man.
Make your Intentions Known Upfront.
Be upfront and honest when you like a girl. Tell her how you would like to pursue her, take her on a date and see if anything grows between the two of you. Be honest from the start. Make your intentions clear, don’t expect them to read your mind or know the meaning of your actions. Use your words friend and communicated to the lady you’re interested in.
Do not Confuse the girl You’re Interested in.
Remember that actions speak louder than words! If your intentions are to go on a few dates and pursue the girl don’t just say it, show it. IF you’re a Christian man SHOW IT in how you live your daily life, how you pursue/treat her, and how you treat others, etc! Don’t go back and forth in your commitment to the relationship, being indecisive is not life-giving, it’s damaging emotionally.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
It’s one thing to say you want to treat a woman with respect, its another thing to show it/do it. In a relationship don’t try to talk the girl you’re dating into going further than what her morals are. Respect the boundaries she has placed for herself. If she’s a virgin and is waiting for marriage, don’t make her feel guilty about that. Everyone has different standards and those standards should be respected. Don’t try to change her to fit into how you would like her to be, instead accept her and her boundaries. If you have zero desire to respect her and her standards then respectfully walk away.
Be Upfront About Your Relationship With Christ.
There is a stigma out there that men shouldn’t show their feelings and emotions. Personally I think that mindset is damaging and wrong. Being vulnerable about your walk with the Lord is NOT a turn off. When I say your “relationship with Christ” I mean that you actually have a relationship with Him. This means you process your life, feelings, emotions, share your most vulnerable areas of your life and be intentional with him. God should be your number #1 relationship in your life, your closest friend, that you share the hard things with.
In my relationship with my husband I have made it a point to encourage him to share his feelings and emotions because 1) he wants to grow in this area and 2) he is willing to put in work to continue to be healthy for himself and our relationship. Suppressing emotions is not helpful to you, your relationship with God or the person you’re dating. Suppressed emotions lead to unhealthy thought/emotion processing.
Do the little things.
Always put effort into dates. Ladies dont care if a restaurant is expensive or not. We care if you put a thought into a date. On the first date, go the extra mile. Find out from her friends what is her favorite food, color, and things she likes to do. Make her feel wanted, get her flowers, open her doors, and pull out her chair in the restaurant. Dig in and enjoy the adventure of pursuing a woman.
There are many more tips I can give. But for now I hope these are a great start for you. A few last things I would say is to make time to do the things she loves! If a woman decides to share her past with you, don’t abuse that privilege. Traumas are real in every person’s life, and when a lady decides to share that with you means 1) they trust you and 2) its not weakness its strength. Lastly, the same freedom and respect you want from the girl youre dating, give in return the same thing.
Be intentional with your relationship with Jesus. It is okay for you to share and be honest with the person youre dating the things the Lord is teaching you. That encourages the person you’re dating to keep pursuing the Lord and grow in their relationship.
I am cheering you on as you start pursuing a more healthier way of dating. YOU CAN DO IT!